You Can't Give What You Don't Have

Woman in the city at night

Last week, I saw a client named Judy. She has been a loyal client, and over the years, she has told me about her husband and her children, about fun stuff like upcoming vacations and about much heavier stuff like her health issues.

Judy’s friendliness and joy make our time together a highlight of my week, but in recent months, her illness has come to the forefront. In a certain respect, it has come to define her.

Yet, last week, I noticed a change in Judy’s outlook. After she opened up and shared her recent epiphany, I better understood why she seemed different.

The passage of time, children, and health problems had all taken their toll, and some recent revelations in her marriage had woken Judy up. After many wonderful years of marriage, she had become complacent and had “let herself go.”

“Never take your relationship with your spouse for granted,” she told me. “Don’t get too comfortable and stop taking care of yourself.”

Don’t let yourself go.

I have thought about Judy’s advice ever since. Having been married nineteen years myself, I know all too well how easy it is to let things slide — forgetting to put date nights in the calendar or not bothering to put on makeup and do my hair, eating too much junk or not staying fit.

Though I DO think it’s important not to take your marriage for granted, I think that idea of appreciating what you have applies to all of our important relationships.

What about your relationship with yourself?

Maybe you care for your marriage, but you don’t care for yourself.

I’ve met with enough women over the years that I recognize this pattern.

As caretakers, mothers, wives, employees, and, in some cases, business owners, we give, give, give to everyone around us.

We go all in, and if we do have anything left, we’re looking at crumbs scattered across a dinner plate.

Losing yourself is easy.

Women have a way of losing themselves in the things they do. Motherhood is the most obvious example of this, and due to the length of this “venture” — at least eighteen years — losing oneself is easy to do.

I 100% agree with Judy that you should never take your marriage for granted. And you shouldn’t let yourself go.

Judy’s epiphany helped to spark mine: You should never take your relationship with yourself for granted.

Think about that for a minute. So many women stop taking care of themselves, and I included myself in that group!

We don’t exercise as much as we should. We stress eat. Exhaustion and the need for convenience cause us to overindulge. “A salad? Maybe tomorrow.”

We throw our hair in a ponytail and wear our sweats.

Worst of all, we don’t do the things that do fulfill us. Good books and walks in the woods are few and far between, and we get too busy to organize a girls’ night out.

Those people and pursuits that do fill us up, well, we don’t make time for them.

There’s always another soccer practice or social engagement, right?

We can’t give what we don’t have.

The result is a loss of self, a loss of confidence, an exhaustion that runs deep and affects every relationship.

We can’t give what we don’t have. We truly can’t be our best for others if our tanks are empty.

I see so many women that come through their children’s younger years and feel ragged, worn out, and worn down. They come see me because they have finally realized that they deserve it. By doing something for themselves, they begin to reclaim their sense of self.

I am a firm believer in both taking time for yourself and in doing those things that make you feel fulfilled and boost your confidence.

Another of last week’s clients named Lesley explained that her first Kybella treatment did more than make her feel better. It inspired her to take better care of herself in other ways.

Radiate that beauty.

Since that treatment, she has chosen to eat better and exercise more. She holds her head held higher, and you can bet that the people around notice her confidence.

Though Lesley came back for a Botox treatment and filler touch-up as well, I don’t believe the visit was really about smoothing “that one wrinkle.”

Aesthetics goes beyond the face and body and encompasses the whole person. We want to freshen and improve your appearance and to accentuate your best features. We also want to open your eyes so that you see your true beauty.

Once you see it and believe it, you radiate that beauty.

We women work hard, and we give A LOT. So go ahead and do something nice for yourself. You and your loved ones benefit when you don’t take yourself for granted. By investing in yourself, you add to your capacity to build up others.

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